


You know what Freud says...

by shanimalew



Series: Fictober 2020 [3]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Humor, Multi, Other, Realisation, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:22:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26794327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shanimalew/pseuds/shanimalew
Summary: “What’s so funny?” Napoleon asks confused.“Don’t you see it the resemblance?” Gaby asks between laughter, looking at Napoleon's newly acquired bust.“I don’t know what you are talking about. Is it a king or a famous writer?”"You stole a bust that looks exactly like Illya” she replies.“Absurd, I did not…” he starts, then looks again at the bust. His mouth drops, “Holy shit, it is Illya. I stole a bust of Illya. How did it happen?”
Relationships: Illya Kuryakin & Napoleon Solo, Illya Kuryakin/Gaby Teller, Illya Kuryakin/Napoleon Solo, Illya Kuryakin/Napoleon Solo/Gaby Teller, Napoleon Solo & Gaby Teller
Series: Fictober 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947211
Comments: 10
Kudos: 98





	You know what Freud says...

**_Prompt 3 Sculpture_ **

He doesn’t really know why he did that.

Or more specifically, he knows why. It’s always the same reason, the thrill of taking something without anyone noticing, the power of getting away with it.

However, he doesn’t know why he took that bust in particular. It just called to him.

He doesn’t think much of it until he invites Gaby and Illya over at his place. They still keep things casual between them, each one keeping their own apartments. However it was rare that they slept alone in their bed, always inviting each other over.  Napoleon doesn’t know why they still try to pretend this thing they have isn’t moving as fast as it is.

When he hears the doorbell ring he is surprised to find Gaby, he checks his watch. 

“You’re on time and Illya’s late. Am I in a parallel universe?” he asks, letting her enter the house.

“Is this the polite way of welcoming a guest, Solo? Illya called me, he’s running a little bit late” Gaby says, kissing him on the cheek.

“Didn’t he say why?”

“He had to go to the vet to-”

“Oh, is he sick?” Napoleon asks, laughing when Gaby slaps his arm. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding”

“Not funny. He found a stray dog while returning from the gym, so he brought him to the vet. But when he called me he had returned home, he just needs to shower and he’s coming”

“So he’s coming at your usual time. Is that why you’re on time? To balance?” he asks, returning to the kitchen to finish cooking. 

Gaby gives him the middle finger, before taking off her coat and throwing it on the couch. She mindlessly walks around the room.

“What are you cooking this time?”

“Classic Milanese risotto”

“Is it the one with those awful mushrooms?”

“I will let your comment slide, but no, it doesn’t have mushrooms. Its main ingredient is saffron”

Gaby doesn’t answer, but Napoleon doesn’t think much of it, tasting his risotto one last time before turning off the stove to let it sit.

“Oh my God” Gaby lets out, before starting to laugh. 

Intrigued, Napoleon goes to her in the living room. She is looking at his newly acquired bust, laughing like a crazy person, even with a hand on her belly.

“What’s so funny?” he asks confused.

His tone makes her laughter stop abruptly. She, then, looks at him, tears at the sides of her eyes.

“Don’t you see it?”

“What”

“The resemblance”

“I don’t know what you are talking about. Is it a king or a famous writer?”

She laughs again, this time cutting it short.

“Sweetheart where did you buy this?” she asks, and Napoleon doesn’t like the condescending tone she has, it makes him feel left out.

“I’m offended you think I’d buy it. I took it during our mission in Ukraine if I remember correctly”

“This is even more hilarious! Why did you take it?”

“What's with the interrogatory? It’s just a bust and it’s not like it’s the first time I’ve stolen something during a mission. I see something I fancy, I take it”

“Yeah, but you stole a bust that looks exactly like Illya” she replies, covering her mouth with a hand, to mask the laugh that Napoleon knew was coming.

“Absurd, I did not…” he starts, then looks again at the bust. His mouth drops, “Holy shit, it is Illya. I stole a bust of Illya. How did it happen?”

“You see something you fancy, you take it” Gaby mocks him. 

He groans, holding his head between his hands.

“I can’t wait to see what Illya thinks about it. I think he’ll either blush or curse you for being so foolish” she continues, ignoring Napoleon’s distressed expression.

“Oh my god, I’m never going to hear the end of this if he sees it”

“No sir. It’s going to be hilarious, thank you for inviting us over” she says, patting him on the back “Now, where do you keep your fancy bottles of scotch?”

“I can’t believe I’ve stared at it for weeks without realising” Napoleon says, completely ignoring Gaby. “I need to move it, he cannot see it”

“Why not? He’d be flattered”

“Are we talking about the same Illya? The one who didn’t talk to me for a day because I had stolen a ring and gave it to you?”

Gaby smiles, raising her right hand, where the above-mentioned ring seated.

“A gift deeply appreciated. But to be fair, you almost got yourself shot because of it. Which raises the question, how did you steal it without us noticing?”

“You two were busy distracting the target during her party, so I stole the documents we needed, the bust, and returned to our hotel, immediately putting it in my suitcase. You had no reason to check it”

“And no one noticed you getting out with a bust?” 

“You underestimate my abilities, miss Teller. But enough talking, I need to hide this thing” He says, finger tapping on his arm as he looks around for possible hiding places.

“I think you’re a bit overreacting. Maybe he won’t even notice it”

Napoleon scoffs.

“He’s a KGB agent, he notices everything”

As he decides the perfect hiding spot and goes to lift the bust, the doorbell rings. He stops, eyes comically widening.

“Looks like our Red Peril has arrived. Didn’t take him long” Gaby says smirking, getting up from the couch she had previously been seating on to go open the door.

“Wait a minute, don’t open immediately” he whispers urgently.

For respect to her lover Gaby doesn’t laugh, although she really wants to. She completely ignores him though, going for the door.

“He already heard us, if we don’t open he’s going to think something’s up and I don’t think you want to explain to your landlord why a Russian giant destroyed your door”

Napoleon sighs, lowering the bust back to its original place.

“You are right. I must face death like the true gentleman I am” he says, taking off the apron and adjusting his tie.

Gaby rolls her eyes, cursing herself for falling for such idiots. Then, she opens the door.

Illya stands before her, his signature black turtleneck and hair all over the place. She smiles at him, hooking her finger in the neck of his jumper, making him fall at eye level before kissing him.

When they break, she passes her hand through his dishevelled hair, noticing how it is still a little bit wet.

“Sorry, did not have time to dry. Did not want to be late” he murmurs near her mouth, before going in for another brief kiss.

“You should dry it now, otherwise you’ll get sick” she says, letting him enter the house.

“I am Russian, I do not get sick for hair slightly wet”

“The bathroom is at the end of the corridor, to the right. Please go dry it” Napoleon says, before going towards Illya and kissing him lightly. “Chop chop, I don’t want for you both to eat cold risotto”

Illya shakes his head lightly but complies. As he turns his back to them, Gaby looks at Napoleon, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. Napoleon ignores her and goes to the kitchen, dividing the risotto into the plates.

“Already given up on your plan?” She whispers in his ear.

“It’s useless moving it now, I wanted to hide it in my wardrobe which means going near the bathroom, there’s no way he won’t notice me. Now please, help me set the table and let’s hope he doesn’t notice it” he hisses, pushing her towards the dinner table.

Napoleon tries to act normally throughout the dinner, avoiding to look at the sculpture as much as possible.

He can’t believe he didn’t notice the similarities sooner. Most importantly, he can’t believe he stole a bust just because his subconscious thought it was similar to his lover and decided ‘why not’.

He’s such a goner for this man…

Fortunately for him, Illya doesn’t seem to notice it. Maybe his years working for UNCLE helped Napoleon balance his karma, or maybe the universe just wants to give him a break since you never know when he and Illya will have the next nonsensical argument.

So he relaxes, as after dinner they move to the living room. 

Gaby puts on some music, swinging on the spot, a drink in her left hand. With her free hand she calls for Illya, who just shakes his head. She, then, moves her gaze to Napoleon, who smiles at her and gets up.

They dance for a while, if what they do can be called dancing. The music is soft, so they embrace, swinging in place. Gaby puts her head on Napoleon’s shoulder, as he looks at Illya. He knows for a fact that the dopey smile on Illya’s face is the same as the one he has on, but he doesn’t really care about appearances. Not when he is with them.

After a while Gaby gets tired, so she lies on the couch, her head on Illya’s lap and looks at them, as Illya proposes a match of chess. It doesn’t take her long to succumb to slumber, softly snoring while Illya plays with her hair.

Napoleon tries to make conversation while playing, but after losing twice in less than twenty minutes, he decides to shut up and focus, even just to cancel Illya’s smug expression from his face.

“I thought” Illya starts, voice low as not to disrupt the quiet atmosphere they created “you once said, as argument for not sharing house together, that you would get sick of our faces if you saw us every day”

“Well, at the time I thought that we should have taken this relationship slow, seen as we are also coworkers, but if I knew we would have spent every moment together anyway, I wouldn’t have said no. I thought I needed more space but evidently, I don’t” he says, looking at Illya confused. He looks back at the board and moves a pawn. He smiles satisfied.

“Very good. You are getting better, cowboy”

“All thanks to my good teacher” he replies, waiting for Illya’s move, “Why did you bring that up, by the way?”

“Because you said you would get sick yet you have sculpture of my face” Illya says, smirking. He raises his gaze to meet Napoleon’s shocked one, then moves his bishop and murmurs satisfied, “Checkmate”

Napoleon is too embarrassed by the fact that Illya indeed noticed his bust to react to his umpteenth defeat.

“When did you notice?” he whispers, his face feeling like the surface of an erupting volcano.

“As soon as I entered the house” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Illya shrugs, which it's its own weird thing. Napoleon never thought it would come a day where Illya would relax his posture.

"Thought would be funnier to wait"

"Since when did you develop a sense of humour?"

"Since you blush that pretty way"

Napoleon turns his gaze away, shaking his head embarrassed. 

"To be fair, I didn't notice the resemblance when I took it"

"You should stop stealing while on mission"

"You take away all the fun, Peril"

"You endanger yourself and others. I do not want you dead because you wanted to take something nice"

Napoleon wants to make a joke, to lighten up the mood since the air has become too dense too fast, but he looks at Illya and decides against it. The man in front of him has a determined expression on, but Napoleon sees past that. He sees preoccupation and fear in Illya's eyes. He should be scared, to be at the receiving end of such care and love but instead he feels only warmth.

"I can't make promises, Peril. But I'll try" he says, trying to sound as sincere as possible. 

Illya nods at him resolutely.

"Another game?" He asks.

"No, I'm quite tired. Let's go to bed"

Illya puts Gaby on the bed, then starts undressing. 

When they are ready, Illya lies in bed, positioning himself between Gaby and Napoleon.

"I thought you'd get angrier, or more smug, about the bust" Napoleon whispers, finding courage in the darkness.

"You said you did not take it for me"

"But I am going to keep it for that reason"

"Then I am very flattered Cowboy" Illya says, then kisses Napoleon's temple. "Now sleep. If it will make you feel better we will tell Gaby she missed a great scene"

"Oh, she will resent us so much"

"Hilarious"

"Love your newly acquired sense of humour" Napoleon says, giving Illya a peck before snuggling at his side. 

Maybe tomorrow he'll ask them to think about living together, fuck being scared of commitment. He doesn't think he'll ever get sick of being around those two dorks.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this story, as always leave kudos and comments! I love hearing what you think about my stories! <3


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